A journey I hate to walk, but must.

I have decided to Blog about Shane rather than post on Facebook as some are disturbed by things I write. My children are the most important things in my life. Having children was a childhood dream. I played with dolls forever! I am starting this blog with a few facts. After reading them you can decide if you want to read them ever again. At times I will cry, other's I will tell funny stories about Shane. As we all know, he was QUITE a character!!!
First and foremost, many tell me how strong I am, and just as many tell me I need to get  help. I have faith in God to help me through and think that faith has helped me alot. I have had Shane come to me in a very real dream and I saw him in heaven, happy and laughing. I have seen light orbs in the dark of night. I have read these are our angels visiting us. I really don't care if you believe or not. I do. This helps me get through this journey I am on. Please don't judge my feelings. They are just that, my feelings. I am getting by in the best way I can. I find many do not want to talk about Shane. Please DO talk about him! When I speak of him it is my way of letting you know it's ok to talk about him. Yes, sometimes I will cry, but other's I will laugh. Please understand, tears are healing. You aren't making me feel bad, and, they usually pass pretty quickly now. When I am having a bad time of it I may just get up and walk away or go home. Please do not think you upset me or I am rude. I am trying to deal with losing a piece of myself, in my own way and in my own time.
I ask you quite simply not to judge how we are doing or what we are doing. I ask for your support in loving us and letting us cry sometimes. I ask you mostly for prayers of peace, comfort and strength. I thing blogging will help me heal and possibly help others.
Right now, Shane's death was brought back in a terrible way with the loss of his lifelong friend Slade Wielinski. I cry for Slade's family, we know the pain of losing a child. Fritz, Slades dad, pointed out a very important thing to me last night. Even though we know the feelings of losing a child, we don't know their pain. It is their pain and it is different for each of us. Well put Fritz. Losing a child is to me, the worst thing that can happen.  I asked God why and he is telling me to look at the truths I know. I know there is a heaven, I know Shane is pain free for the first time in 21 years, and I know, without a shadow of doubt he is in heaven. Knowing Shane he's still arguing with God about what his (Shane's) job is up there and just how to do it! God may be wondering why he left him in! (Said with tongue in cheek!) Shane will be the best worker angel God ever had! He never stopped. By the way, do they have beer in heaven? If not I best order a Budlight delivery ASAP! Have a great day all! Do it for your loved ones!